Dealing with Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating to a relationship. What people consider as “cheating” may vary from person to person. For example, you may feel that viewing pornography is cheating, or having very personal conversations with a member of the opposite sex is cheating, but your partner may not see it that way.

Many people feel that cheating is a deal-breaker, an absolute end for the relationship – and it often is. However, sometimes it’s not that simple. Sometimes, people don’t want to walk away from a long-term relationship that they have invested years in. They may still genuinely love each other, or it can be especially hard to dissolve the relationship when children are involved. Even though there could be an interest to work through the breach(es) of trust and get to the root of the problem to try to salvage the relationship, it comes with challenges that may be difficult to navigate on your own.

When is it time to get help?

Infidelity is a major breach of trust and can feel devastating to the person who has been cheated on. It can also be crushing to the person who was unfaithful as they are likely to be dealing with many intense emotions themselves. Relationships can and do survive infidelity. Other relationships can and do end. If you’ve experienced this in your relationship, there is much to process. It’s possible that you are feeling a large variety of emotions that ebb and flow or change from time to time. If these emotions are interfering with your sleep, eating work, parenting, other relationships, or general wellbeing, or you’re just not feeling able to move forward then it’s time to seek help from a therapist who can help you to navigate this event – either by yourself or as a couple.

You may also want to learn more about:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Trauma
• Marriage and relationship concerns
• Grief
• Anger management

As these are common issues that may be present when dealing with the aftermath of infidelity.

Struggling with infidelity treatment methods

Together with your therapist you will determine the best approach to healing yourself and/or your relationship. Your therapist may also recommend specific and proven treatment couples therapy methods such as:

• Gottman’s couples therapy believes that couples need to be able to work on becoming better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future. The foundation of Gottman couples therapy is based on Dr. John and Julie Gottman’s 40+ years of clinical experience and research that is based on interventions and exercises that are structured, goal-oriented and scientifically based.
• Gottman relationship check up is a questionnaire that is composed of 480 questions about friendship, intimacy, emotions, conflict, values, and trust, as well as parenting, housework, finances, individual areas of concern, and more. It’s designed as a tool for use by the therapists at Insight Psychological in a therapeutic setting.
• Emotionally focused therapy is based on observations and experience – it looks at emotions and emotional intelligence, which helps support stronger and more secure relationships by helping better understand how our actions impact others, and how our emotions drive our interaction.
• Family systems therapy looks at the family as one emotional unit. This therapeutic approach looks at the relationships within the family and the structure as a whole.

What will I get out of treatment with Insight Psychological?

Recovering from infidelity is a tricky thing. It takes time and patience to regain the trust that was compromised. The partner who was cheated on can take a very long time to heal and may find it difficult to move forward and not bring up the infidelity over and over. They may experience signs of trauma or even PTSD. The person who was unfaithful may feel tremendous guilt and not know how to prove that they are committed to the relationship. Both people can be highly affected by anxiety or depression as a result of the affair. That’s just dealing with the aftermath – it’s also important to discuss what led to the infidelity in the first place. Finally, you then have to learn to navigate challenges within your relationship in new healthy ways to truly move forward and fully recover.

This can be very challenging to do on your own – most couples will need support from a qualified, neutral, and nonjudgmental therapist to do so. Insight’s therapists have experience working with couples who’ve dealt with infidelity and can help you to learn new, effective, and healthy ways to communicate your needs to each other and make the changes necessary.  You will also learn tools for dealing with the stressors that most relationships face at one time or another such as parenting, financial challenges, intimacy issues, and the demands of jobs, extended family, and chores to name a few.

When infidelity has been committed in a relationship, it can feel devastating, but with hard work and the support of a therapist, it is possible to overcome the infidelity and have a strong and satisfying relationship. Your therapist will ensure that you feel comfortable when you come to Insight and they will work with you to create a specialized plan to help support you to move forward confidently in your relationship. Contact us today to inquire more about how we can help or to book an appointment.