Do you ever feel like you’re your own worst critic? Maybe you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess up.” This is called negative self-talk, and it can make life feel harder than it should. But here’s the good news: you can learn to be kinder to yourself. Let’s look at what negative self-talk is and explore simple ways to turn it around.
What Is Negative Self-Talk?
Negative self-talk is when we say mean or critical things to ourselves. It often sounds like:
- Thinking the Worst: Believing that something small will ruin everything, like, “If I fail this test, my whole future is ruined.”
- Blaming Yourself: Taking the blame for things you can’t control, like, “It’s my fault that things went wrong.”
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing things as only good or bad, like, “If I didn’t do this perfectly, I failed.”
- Ignoring the Good Stuff: Overlooking your achievements or kind words from others, like brushing off compliments or positive feedback.
We often develop these habits from past experiences or things people have said to us. Over time, it becomes a habit to think this way, even if it makes us feel bad.
Why Negative Self-Talk Hurts
Negative self-talk doesn’t just make us feel down, it can affect our mental health. It can make us feel anxious, sad, and less confident. It can turn small problems into big ones and make it hard to feel good about ourselves. The more we think negatively, the more our brain gets used to it, creating a cycle that’s tough to break. But with practice, we can learn to think in a more positive way.
How to Break Free from Negative Self-Talk
Changing how we talk to ourselves takes practice, but even small changes can make a big difference. Here are some ways to start:
1. Pay Attention to Your Thoughts
The first step is to notice when you’re being hard on yourself. Pay attention to the times you criticize yourself, maybe after a mistake, when comparing yourself to others, or when feeling stressed. You could even write down these thoughts. Noticing them is the first step to changing them.
2. Question Your Thoughts
Ask yourself if these negative thoughts are really true. Here are some questions to try:
- “Is this really true, or am I just assuming the worst?”
- “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?”
- “Is there a more balanced way to look at this?”
For example, if you think, “I’ll never be good at this,” try to remember times when you’ve improved or succeeded at something new. Questioning your thoughts helps you see that they aren’t always accurate.
3. Be Kind to Yourself
Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend. Instead of saying, “I’m so dumb for making that mistake,” try, “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay.” Studies show that being kind to yourself can make you feel less stressed and more resilient. Remember, nobody is perfect.
4. Change Negative Thoughts into Positive Ones
If you catch yourself thinking something negative, try to turn it into something positive or balanced. For example, change “I’m terrible at this” to “I’m still learning, and that’s okay.” This shift helps you feel more hopeful and makes challenges feel less overwhelming.
5. Use Positive Reminders
Positive reminders, or affirmations, can help you build a habit of thinking kindly about yourself. Even if they feel a little strange at first, they can help. Here are some examples:
- “I am capable.”
- “I’m learning and growing every day.”
- “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
Write down a few reminders that make you feel good and put them where you’ll see them often, like on your mirror or phone.
6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Spend time with people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. Talk to friends, family, or a counselor if you need support. Sometimes, hearing someone else challenge your negative thoughts can help you start to do it for yourself.
Building a Kinder Inner Voice
Breaking the cycle of negative self-talk isn’t about never having a critical thought again. It’s about learning to be kinder to yourself. This takes practice, but it can make a huge difference. A kinder inner voice can make you feel more confident, help you handle challenges, and make life more enjoyable.
Written by Ayan Abdirahman, Registered Provisional Psychologist.
